A question I received yesterday:
"I just found out about you and was curious to know how long are your videos on your Onlyfans page are and do you respond to DMs?"
First, it’s not surprising to me that after 5.5 years of being in the adult industry, people still do not know who the fuck I am. I was at a disadvantage because the agents I was with in the past were not interested in finding me shoots. There are several companies that have never shot me or have only shot me once. (Many people know me from my BangBros scene, yet, they never hired me, again.). I also didn’t have a decent PR team when I could afford to pay for this service.
Second, my OnlyFans is only $5. It’s not exactly going to break your bank to check out my OnlyFans for a month. And as I have constantly repeated, I do attempt to post at least a 5-minute long scene once or twice a week for free. Ya know, a length that you can actually jerk off to. Hence, why I do not understand the few subscribers I do have when I know many others only post 30-seconds of video.
Third, I admit to not being responsive to DMs. I try to check them once a week. But I’m not someone who has a team or an assistant that helps me with my OnlyFans page. There are several creators who do, but I’m not one of them because I cannot afford this. And honestly, when you are someone who actually thinks in correct grammar, one of the last things you want to do is read poor grammar over and over, again. (This is why I also hate webcamming.) Plus, engaging in banal conversation with subscribers who never pay for my videos, tip me, gift me items from my wishlist, basically those who expect me to give my full attention to them for $5-a-month, is not on my priority list.
Because I have never been a sex worker/performer who has been recognized for her beauty, intelligence, hard work, professionalism, or skills, it is becoming more and more difficult for me to stay motivated. I cannot even get 1% of my followers to subscribe to me.
Perhaps if I was someone who was raised feeling loved and supported, I wouldn’t get so depressed by the fact that so few find me worthless. Perhaps if I had gotten into the adult/sex work industry, and at least had enough clients and fans that were interested in seeing me, I wouldn’t be so depressed today. (I woke up today and was reminded how I was just coming back from Miami around this time last year and not a single company was interested in shooting me, and not a single person was interested in seeing me.)
It is difficult for someone who has struggled to know her worth throughout her life, and still struggles to find value in herself, to be in profession that is trying to convince others she is worth a measly $5-a-month.