I started writing this post a month ago, and the title went from "Less than 4 weeks to go," to "Less than 2 weeks to go," down to "Less than a week to go," and now it's the day I'm due. Ha!
I didn't think I would take the step to rebrand myself as a Dominatrix at the beginning of March, while pregnant with 10 more weeks before my due date. But that's the move I needed to make to keep some type of sanity.
And I already created my Dominatrix persona in 2017. I didn't put much concentration into establishing Goddess Menhit because my main focus was trying to increase my following around Nyomi Star.
Since quitting the animal shelter in mid-to-late December, I have been consistently getting on cam at least five days a week. Sure, I'm not online for hours, but I at least try to be on cam for two hours. Again, I'm well aware I should be streaming for at least 4-5 hours a day. But I do not have the patience to do so. And the last few weeks I've been battling pregnancy fatigue.
I've cut back on my fitness routine. I'm only working out an hour a day, and I try to workout five days a week still, but sometimes it's honestly just two or three days a week. There have been times when it's only been one day a week. The days I do Boot Camp or CrossFit, I find myself taking a nap for an hour or more.
The increase in the hormone prostaglandin accounts for how tired women feel during their pregnancy. The growing of a human fetus takes a lot of work, and carrying around an extra 20-35 pounds is taxing.
When I have to relieve my squished bladder, usually between 3:00 and 4:00 in the morning, the organizing I still have to do around my house, and my anxiety about how I'm going to pay the bills while I'm recovering after I give birth, enter my mind. It takes me an hour, or three, to fall back asleep.
I try to keep my eyes shut as I relieve myself and tell myself, "Sleep," to try and dissuade any other thoughts from entering into my mind. A single thought of how the office is still filled with papers and how I don't have a working paper shredder anymore, will keep me up until Zeke's 5:30 alarm goes off.
The nights I am able to go back to sleep, I am thankful for because I only have days left of that opportunity. It still hasn't quite hit me that there is going to be a little human that relies on me for everything.
***
I thought I would get my taxes done early this year so I would have one less thing on my plate as I approached my due date. I completed them back in mid-late March and I only thought the refund I planned to receive was taking longer because it's the government and they're not known for their quickness.
I asked my CPA a couple weeks ago if there was something I was supposed to do because I still had not received the refund and I was hoping I would have those funds to cover bills while I recover from giving birth. But he informed me that he did not file them. So that means they are late and I will not have that money anytime soon. Plus, my refund will be less because my filing is late.
I immediately started crying after reading this, and I called Zeke while he was at work to tell him how much I suck. My last tearful cry was back in March, so I had been doing pretty well with my depression/anxiety over this fetus. But I was embarrassed that I did not file them before April 18th, and my immediate worry is not having the funds to cover all the bills.
My GoFundMe for my recovery has not even accumulated to $1K, so sadly, I know I am going to have to try and get on cam in that six weeks (I really hope my pussy does not tear, because if it does my recovery will be longer) to try and make what I can. My shows will be limited to titty fucks and blowjobs, and I'll look as tired as a dead person, but inflation is not helping to give me the time to recover.
I have not succeeded in gaining a single art commission while I'm recovering. There are a couple pieces I owe to my two most supportive and generous fans, so I have some projects I already have in mind. Plus, pieces I've stored in my brain that I want to paint. But I was hoping I would get a commission or two before my due date.
***
Since I began to write this over a month ago, I have had to edit it over and over again. And here I am on my due date and I am just publishing this post now.
But I have had no early labor signs. I had some Braxton Hicks or false labor contractions late Sunday night, but I think I am correct in my hunch that he will not be making his appearance until next week.
I planned to cam right up until I go into labor, but I did not account for how tired I would be in the last few weeks of my pregnancy. Waking up to pee between 3:00-4:30 in the morning and staying up with my anxiety until 5:30-7:00, has not been conducive in motivating me to beautify and fuck myself on cam. (Hence, why I was hoping I would have an art commission or two to get started on.)
I'm tired of looking down and not being able to see my pussy. I have always been able to look down and see my womanhood. It's difficult for me to understand how people can become so rotund and not be troubled by the fact that they cannot see their genitals. Or the fact that the simplest task of standing up from a seated position requires more work when you have so much weight bulging in front of you.
I cannot wait to get back to the fitness level I was at before. I know it will be long journey to get where I want to be, but it will be so much easier when I won't feel like I have a wall ball strapped to the front of me, or feeling like my pull-ups are not weighted.
I'm tired of the multiple trips to the bathroom, and the pressure on my back and all my internal organs. The one thing I will say that I have enjoyed is not having my period. I haven't had any spotting which I am surprised about since my periods would sometimes last twenty days. It's been nice not having to stick a tampon up inside me, or place a liner, or a pad, in my panties. But now I'm hoping I'll see a pinkish residue to indicate that my mucous plug is broken and labor is imminent.